Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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