Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
