I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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