I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
