She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
