Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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