what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
