White coat. Heels.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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