Plan B is the new Plan A
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
