even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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