I looked at my own cervix.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
