I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
