I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
