Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
