got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
