So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
