he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
