Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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