i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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