he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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