I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
