Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
