I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
