Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
