ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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