so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
