he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
