Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
