i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize