i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
