I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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