Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
