You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize