I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
