Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
