i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize