I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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