You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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