i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What a dumb baby whore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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