I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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