i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I could make wine with my vomit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
