he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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