i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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