Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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