im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
