when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize