i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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