Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
