I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I CAN MOONWALK!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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