You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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