Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
