I am puke
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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