This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
