If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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