he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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