I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
