ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do herpes really smell.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize