Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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