it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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