people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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