dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
