I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
