i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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