What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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