ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drake has all the answers
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
