the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
