Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize