I hope mine doesn't look like that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
