ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
