Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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