ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
did i walk over a car last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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