dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize