I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
