morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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