this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
