I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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